Ks Are Wild

but did you know that Kelli and I were on a Dolly Parton Christmas special when I was in the 6th or 7th grade?  Yes indeedy.  No, I’m not shitting you.  Yes, Kelli, some hardcore Dolly fan finally ripped it up onto YouTube.  I’m the girl in the blue dress with the crimped hair decorating the Christmas tree and Kelli, I think is across the room at a table of toys.  (Hey Kriste, one up me on this one!)  How’d this all come to pass?  Well, our next door neighbor was the music director and I went to school with his son (I had a crush on him FOREVER.  He’s the one in the green sweater they show a lot at the table to the right).  He knew that we sang and invited us to join the children’s ensemble.  The couple weeks it took to do this, paid for much of my high school graduation trip horseback riding in Ireland.

Dolly Parton is inextricably linked with Christmas for me just for that reason; that and washboards.  I adore Dolly.  I have always loved 9 to 5 (own it) and I, like the rest of the world find her an incredibly talented songstress and smart business woman.  Loving Dolly is yet another thing I have in common with much of the gay community.  She was the nicest, and sweetest, and most polite lady.  She seemed to genuinely love kids and want them there, and if it weren’t for having to do actual work, I think she would have visited with us more.  And I’m telling you, she is so teeeeeeeeeny in person.  Her waist and hips were like a corseted victorian.  She wore knee high red boots with stiletto heels and she still must’ve only made 5’1.  Her nails were those crazy long fake curly acrylics in a Jungle Fever red polish.  Come to think of it, Kristen Chenowith would be perfect to cast as her if they ever did a bio pic on her life.  She’s a little country, she’s teeny tiny, could have big hair, widish smile, firecracker personality, seems super nice, and big boobs to boot.

It was one of the few times Kelli and I got along; even friendly to one another.  We were both so new and shy around all these kids that were so familiar and at ease on the set and the process.  It was a really neat experience to have as a kid.  We got to see the production tricks (taking an inside tour of the Punky Brewster set and meeting Soleil Moon Frye in Brownies because one of the parents wrote for it doesn’t count):

Like ice skating on set – the actors skated around on this white, acrylic fiberglass piece with mounds of batting spray painted with additional textured clumps around the perimeter.

And snow – it was like shredded white plastic grocery bags shaking out of big machines in the ceiling.  That I remember well, because I accidentally inhaled a piece

And the fact that we were filming in early fall, which, in LA, is some of the hottest weather.  Which meant we were dressed up in fluffy winter clothes with scarves, ear muffs, turtlenecks and mittens, on a set with lots of very hot lights pointed at you.  I now always feel sorry for actors I see portraying a winter scene obviously using a sound stage.

The Mac guy seemed grumpy, and Burl Ives (WOW!  I can’t believe I got to sing with Burl Ives.) was old so he disappeared any time he wasn’t needed for a scene like it was hard on him.

And animal trainers in the wings calling out commands to their reindeer.

And the people hiding under tables and couches with monitors working all the large puppets.  That was really fun to see and watch their process.  Seeing everything backwards and upside down – that’s talent.  I forgot which celebrity it was, but I once watched an interview with them saying NO way would they go on Sesame Street, which seemed like a totally rude response.  But then they explained themselves saying that they wouldn’t want knowing too much disillusion the magical place and characters that they had watched their entire lives.  That was one mystery they wanted to keep.  I can totally see that.  Another actor spoke about Mr. Snuffaluffagus hanging from the ceiling and some of the “cool” things that they saw in the inner workings of “the Street.”

And the magical ginormous costume department………yeah, the costume lover in me LOVED that!  Tons of clothes to choose from.  I felt like orphan Annie walking around and singing “I think I’m going to like it here” while all the maids and servants carry her around the palatial mansion on their shoulders and parade a new wardrobe before her eyes and fluff her pillows and lofty quilt, all the while singing “I’m very glad we have a little girl…”

And the hair department….I’ll never forget THAT moment.  Walking down the long white hallway seeing a door ajar on my right, slowing my gait so that I could get a gander at what mysteries would be revealed inside that room only to find a long table with elevated foam heads with extremely large, curly, blonde wigs displayed.  There were practically spotlights on them.  I think that was the most surprising thing of all to me.  I knew that Dolly had fake boobs and nails and wore lots of makeup but I didn’t know she had fake hair and false eyelashes too!!!

I find it amazing how I can’t remember at what age my daughter took her first steps (that’s numbers, my brain doesn’t retain those.  I had to write all that stuff down in the baby journal), but I still remember all the lyrics to “I’ll be Home with Bells on!”

We also did studio work later that involved standing in a small closet sized room looking up at a mic and laughing on cue.  Ah, laugh tracks.

We must’ve come home and talked up a storm over dinner.  Both Kelli and I would’ve liked to have done more but I don’t think it occurred to us to even ask.  I guess we both felt it would be impolite and a faux pas; that if people liked us enough, thought we were good enough, we would be invited back.  Guess we weren’t aggressive enough in nature and too naive.  My dad never pushed us, although he had some serious contacts.  I think it’s funny still, that we just never thought to ask.  My dad was surprised when I told him years back about that regret.  He shook his head, dismayed, because he had never thought to ask us.  He figured if we really liked the experience, we would bug him more about it.

Kelli, don’t kill me!  But it suddenly dawned on me the other night that that might be somewhere in YouTube land and I looked it up for kicks.  Then it got me thinking…and then I just had to share my thoughts.  That is the point of this blog, right?

On New Year’s Eve, Kham and I were partying like it was 1999, because it was, when all of a sudden Kham pulled me into my friend’s kitchen and started reciting the final scene of When Harry Met Sally, my favorite movie.  And I know I looked at him like I was nuts, and I know that my forehead/nose creased as I scrunched up trying to figure out why he was saying those lines and wondering when on earth he had learned them…had I really watched the movie so excessively that he had picked up Harry’s entire monologue?  Then I cocked my ear and head when I heard someone (Beth!) hush partygoers in the other room with a loud, “Shhh, Kham’s going to propose!”  And I turned back to him and refocused my attention – hoping that she was right, fearing that she was wrong, not trusting her assessment, not thinking that she was in on it, feeling mad at her for getting my hopes up like that and we were going to have to explain to a room full of drunk people that Kham was just being sweet and romantic and quoting my favorite movie back to me in the privacy of a kitchen so we could have our own New Year’s kiss unobserved.

So, when Kham smoothly knelt down on one knee and asked me to share the rest of my life with him, because, “when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start – as soon as possible.”  I had to ask him, “Are you serious?”  (This was the man, after all, who said outright that there was no chance in hell he was ever getting married again.  He was damaged goods and wouldn’t make anyone a good husband. – What can I say?  I guess I like a challenge.)  When he switched to “Kari, will you please do me the honor of marrying me?” I knew he was serious.  Well, that and the fact that he had gently pulled my hand out and held aloft the ring I had so admired from the artist at the Renaissance Faire (a twining two piece ring with a round diamond coming out of a 3 dimensional rose bloom as if it were a drop of dew).  Of course I said yes.  In fact, that’s about what I said, “Yes, of course I will.”  But I couldn’t resist the smiling “took you long enough!” elbow dig (Really only 3 1/2 yrs. but it felt like forever).

What can I say but I guess I like a challenge?  Or maybe, One woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure?  Or, I knew that whole “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free” is just parental propaganda!”?  Whatever the case, I guess for me, choosing a husband is like choosing a Christmas Tree.  I like a little bit of the Charlie Brown factor, the underdog, the one was perfectly good, if not grand, but got overlooked by most.  Kham, you are my goldmine of a husband and my ultimate bargain shopping score and often a tremendous challenge.  I think I got the sweeter end of the deal. poor thing.  Sometimes for you, I’m sorry that it had to be me.  But once you create two wondrous and beautifully hearted and bodied children with me, help me through labor and delivery, provide me with a lovely home, scrape the ice from my windshield, warm my frosty toes in bed, helps me find my fallen glasses or misplaced coffee, and eat practically everything I ever cook for you even when I, myself, wouldn’t dare eat it, well.. you loved me, you wanted me, and now you’re stuck with me forever and ever.  So there!  You are still the last person I want to talk to before I go to bed at night.  Thanks Babe, for a wonderful memory and an interesting tale to tell to our children and the blogosphere.  You make it impossible for me to hate you.  You see what I did?  I can’t take it back now because it’s already out there.

I know, I know, MORE Carpenters.  But I can’t help it.  Her version is just the best to my ears.  I love it.  The Ella Fitzgerald would have to be my second favorite in this case.  I happen to really love this song, period.

Betcha haven’t seen this version of What’re you Doin’ New Year’s with Rufus Wainwright and Boy George live in concert!:

Don’t you?!  I just love hearing from people and reading their year in review….all their little updates for each child….seeing all the awkward family photos that are inevitable given young children and pets and coordinating everybody looking good, eyes open, looking at the camera, smiling, and all at the same time.  Impossible; at least with my lot.  But I love seeing how much your kids have grown, who looks more like whom and in what way, and who’s missing teeth, and whether you cut or grew or dyed your hair.  I get really excited when I see it’s a real card and open those before actual gift packages, in hopes of finding a picture or newsletter.  I so appreciate those of you who still include us in your mailing list.  I know how expensive postage is, how on top of things you have to be to get them done, pictures developed, written, printed, stuffed, and addressed in time.  I see you waving hello through your family newsletter as if it were a headline in a moving dimensional newspaper like in Harry Potter.

My favorite newsletter that I really can’t wait to read is the one from Carol Leigh, my friend who is an incredible editor of the St. Olaf college’s publication in Minnesota.  Only, this year that one hasn’t come yet.  Hmmm.  My sister-in-law, another talented writer, did a really creative way of using excerpts from her journal entries to go through each family member’s main events whilst giving us a delightful sense of the child’s character.  I’m beginning to think there’s nothing that woman can’t do a fantastic job at if she even attempts something.  Man, oh man, she amassed and created this family cookbook and gave the immediate members each a copy of it for Christmas that was INCREDIBLE!  It really got my creative juices churning as to the possibilities of application for my side of the family.  She used a site called scrapblog.com.   You should check it out.  And, if you live nearby, you should get a load of mine.  It’ll make your jaw drop.

But the BEST one I got this year, and I think the funniest I ever got, was the one from my friend Kriste.  She’s the head teacher at Kosette’s school and has become a personal friend of mine.  She has the best sense of humor.  I cracked up so hard, Kham had to take it from my hand to see what was getting my extreme reaction, and he couldn’t help but laugh too.  You see, she had a tumor removed from her brain in August and is finally back in Corvallis after multiple surgeries and tough physical therapy.  She’s really good now.  Not great – still dealing with a little vertigo issues, but on the road to recovery.  It’s nice to see her sense of humor still in tact and strong as ever.  I really should take a picture of it to show you but it has a picture of her in rehab, a picture of her with her mom visiting the park by their old family home, and then one of her baking with her daughter (all post surgery, all smiling big):

2010:

To The Ten’s

I don’t know about you,

but my resolution for 2010 is

to cut way back on the brain surgeries.

Love, Kriste

Isn’t that awesome?!  Classic Kriste.  I loved it.  If there was some random Best Christmas Newsletter publication contest site, I would enter hers.

We didn’t do a card this year, and won’t be.  Perhaps next year.  Maybe I should add it to my 2010 resolutions.

But here is what I’d say, if I were to quickly write one:

Kosette is 6 1/2, in the first grade, loves to write stories, listen to “fairy” music, and play with her toy horses and is already begging me for a real one of her own.  The apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree there.  She lost her first two teeth (the bottom ones) Christmas week and is about to start swim lessons so she can be water safe, and Irish Dance Classes (her first dance class ever!) thanks to her most generous extended family.  She is her own person that one; makes for both a very amusing and challenging parenting experience at the same time.  All she asked for Christmas was, _______{insert 1,000,000 different things here}.  Santa did not appease.  But she seemed thrilled with her wooden barn for her horses and her future prospects.

Kellen is 5 at the start of March and will start Kindergarten Fall 2010.  Wow!  He falls straight down the line as far as stereotypical gendered activity preferences.  The training wheels are close to coming off.  He has a fantastic throwing arm (methinks t-ball is in his summer’s future).  And he is electronics obsessed.  What very limited time and activity he has on it, he gets immediately intense and in-the-zone, and acts like a maniacal addict when his time is up and it’s all he talks about.  He very much reminds us of my brother, Kalani, and Kham’s brother, Chris in a multitude of ways.  All he wanted for Christmas was a “remote control helicopter” (same as last year that he broke the first week).  Santa did not appease but he didn’t seem to notice.  He can’t wait to “kick like Mantis in Kung Fu Panda.”

Kham is “older than dirt” and still working on that highway expansion project.  He’s studying in his “spare” time to take an exam to get his CPESC certification (Certified Professional in Erosion and Sediment Control).  Hopefully, this will make him, and therefore, his company more desirable for future environmental projects within our area.  He has been reading a lot of historical fiction of late, particularly of the early roman and anglo-saxon eras.  He’s also been on a kick of playing that Wizard 101 game that the kids were playing (he found it and taught it to them), and was genius enough to construct a behavior chart based on casting spells and blocking with shields.  It has helped thus far.  The kids are into it and seem motivated which is what matters most right?  The naughty seat has been retired.

Kari, has stopped counting and actually has to think before giving her age.  I sorta went back to work (weekends only so we wouldn’t have to negate my income with childcare), my first time since having kids.  I was fortunate enough in this economy to be able to get a job at the local garden center (not Home Depot, we’re talking high end, premium plants and statuary).  It helped send our family back to LA in October for my sister’s wedding.  Having finally accepted that we would not be having any more children, I pleaded my case for a puppy instead.  I got my wish as an early birthday present and am now the proud owner of a black, standard poodle, puppy named Maude.  She is my companion, and I look forward to her maturation so that she can be present and show others the wonderful dog that I experience in my daily life.  Just like with any new addition to a family, I can’t imagine my life without her.  I’ve continued with home and yard improvement tasks when I could and have been busy adding color to our lives inside and out.  I have also made a conscious effort to be more social and make more friends of my own.  My surgery is mid-January and there’s a potential for me to be laid up for as much as 6 weeks reclining bedrest.  Although I am absolutely dreading it, the benefits outweigh the risks and luckily, I am blessed with two mothers who are sacrificing their time and energy to come here and care for their baby and all of mine too.  It also helps to have a best friend and ICU nurse as a next door neighbor.

All in all, we are really pleased with the home and life we are making for ourselves here in Corvallis.  We adore Oregon and hope to live no more in Southern California (no offense).  You’d hate it here.  It rains all the time and when it doesn’t it’s cold and grey.  You never see the sun.  Everybody is rude and depressed.  Stay away.  Wink!  Except to visit – NUDGE, NUDGE!!  You are welcome to the Casa de K’s, or “the purple house” any time.  We spoil guests rotten.  Really.  Ask around.

And to top our “newsletter” off, here is my cheesy family photo submissions from our family to yours as a virtual Holiday Well Wishes card:

Anybody willing to go in on a little Resolution pot?  Help “hold each other accountable”?  That phrase just creeps me out and cracks me up at the same time because it was thrown around so often as a sort of Christian expression for “narc on your neighbor” (or roommate) at my college.  Shiver.  But it’s quite fitting for this situation.  If a pot doesn’t get started then I think the lucky recipient of my failings will be………Michelle.

So here goes it for me:

Kari’s Resolutions for 2010 (I shall begin my list with the stuff I slacked on last year but most of it is just completing projects):

1. Go blueberry picking with the kids
2. put book knowledge to the test and actually pickle something
3. Go to IKEA
4. Go to the Portland Zoo
5. Visit the Pearl District
6. See the Portland Revels at Christmas time next year!!!!
7. Maybe take the family to a real, live, professional musical production
8. Rough Draft Mildred books
9. Print out copies of family history thus far for rents and sibs
10. Shake down Auntie Pat for more info. on the genealogy
11. paint kitchen
12. paint kitchen table and chairs
13. paint chairs in garage red and recover base
14. figure out how to reupholster antique lounger in garage or get rid of it
15. craigslist stroller and carseat, other stuff in plastic tub
16. buy a bike helmet
17. finish painting master bedroom ceiling so it doesn’t look unfinished for yet another YEAR
18. sand and paint trim in master bedroom white
19. finish Christmas stockings (you might think that’s funny but now that it’s over and I lost the race, I’m highly unmotivated to work on them more at the moment).
20. finish Christmas bunting (red and green ribbon ones)
21. finish laundry room skirt
22. finish shoe rack skirt
23. finish bunny print neckroll (sounds worse than it is)
24. paint wall of kitchen over blue
25. grout kitchen mosaic over stove
26. finish kids polk-a-dot curtains
27. finish guest bedroom linen red ribbon curtains
28. Fix computer
29. Clear off dad’s stuff from his old computer
30. read local newspaper more regularly
31. paint ceiling of kitchen/dining/kids playroom
32. read another Jane Austen novel, probably Persuasion
33. sew an apron (for me or another) I’m sure it will become an addiction as I love aprons but don’t have one.
34. finish tray projects for both moms and clean out white chest
35. Burn movies and pictures for Mrs. Watson and mail.
36. Finish painting claw chair blue
37. finish painting round table with crackle and white
38. contact paper inside of kitchen sink floor so it doesn’t rot accidentally
39. contact paper inside of laundry room cabinets to repel liquid spills
40. Print pregnancy pics out with Kosette and put in MB frames
41. Sort through Kosette’s old artwork and take pics of and choose what to archive
42. Create a schoolwork folder for her (3 ring or pentaflex file)
43. Find capsule (hehe, it’s true, now I can’t find the fool thing) and put these in it.
44. Have Kham print this out from work so that I can actually put it in the capsule when I find it.  Feeling a little sheepish now.

Last year I decided to publicize my resolutions as a way to keep myself more accountable for actually accomplishing them PLUS I threw in a punishment for myself for each one left unaccomplished at the year’s end.  With the New Year fastly approaching, I just went to my sight search bar typed in “resolutions” and recalled this list for 2009.  It’s time for me to pony up to  my sister, Kelli.  Of the 2009 list I have crossed off things I did.  If one is partially crossed I count that as 1/2 done so I’ll pay Kelli 50 cents for each thing not done all the way to task.  Things highlighted were beyond my control either do to monetary reasons or because I ended up getting a job that had me working every weekend, making its achievement impossible and still retain employment.

Here is the list for resolutions for 2009:

1. actually make resolutions and put in capsule
2. Get 100,000 mile maintenance on car and fix things we’ve been putting off
3. Back up computer (get necessary additional storage devices to do so) and finally rid ourselves of a virus that’s plagued us for over a year.
4. take a couples dance class (salsa or basic swing, haven’t agreed yet)
5. Go to the Portland Zoo
6. Go to Barn Owl Nursery Herb and Lavender Farm in Wilsonville, OR especially for its Herb and Lavender Festivals
7. Go to Wooden Shoe Tulip Farm in Woodburn, OR, especially for its Tulip Fest
8. Go to Dancing Oaks Nursery in Monmouth, OR
9. Explore Eugene
10. See and Explore Portland, especially the Pearl District
11. Go Camping as a family!!!
12. Learn how to can/preserve/pickle to make better use of our garden’s harvest, especially tomatoes
13. Take the kids blueberry and blackberry picking locally and make our own jam from our loot
14. Read up on hard apple cider making process to see if we can turn our tree’s bounty into my 2nd favorite alcoholic beverage (champagne being #1)
15. Rework our home loan into a fixed rate
16. See a lawyer and draw up official will, living trust, and DNR orders
17. Organize office paperwork
18. Build shelving in the garage….then organize garage
19. Sort through baby/toddler/maternity stuff
20. Paint upstairs hallway
21. Paint dining room tables and chairs
22. Paint Kitchen
23. Decide on whether or not to have one last child
24. Make appointment for surgical correction from damage done from Kosette’s birth, if we decide not to
25. Make appointment for Kham to get snipped if we decide Kellen is our last child.
26. Get a puppy and focus on properly training it this year before Kellen starts Kindergarten if we opt for no more children.
27. Got to IKEA in Portland
28. Work more on genealogy and print out copies for immediate family
29. Start recording oral history of “young” relatives
30. MAYBE – an outlier – drive to Bend to visit Britton family and see the area?
31. Make rough draft of Grandma Mildred children’s book idea

“Ambitious?  Yes.  Doable.  Yes.  Will my/our lives be bettered by following through and making these things happen, and therefore, worth all of my time and energy?  Absolutely.  To give myself further incentive, I’m going to promise right here and now, to give my sister one dollar for every item not done come year’s end (except for #30, that one’s iffy).  She’s getting married in November and could use a little extra something, even if it’s just a latte for when she’s getting her nails done on the big day.  This’ll be a good test to see if she actually reads my blog too.”

So I owe Kelli $8.50.  Not bad, I think, considering how ambitious it was.  Plus the job, although fortuitous, seriously hijacked our family field trip time like camping and the Portland Zoo or exploring outlying areas like Eugene, Portland, and Bend.  Oh well, maybe next year?  The fun things to note that I didn’t do was the first item.  I didn’t actually print it out and put it in the damned capsule.  Plus, the computer, can’t even print now.  It is seriously jacked up.  We have to dump everything and completely reinstall it all.  I’m terrified to do it for fear I didn’t properly back up the family pics and videos or that I won’t be able to access my old palm pilot info. especially because Ican’t even put it on my handheld or print it out.  I don’t see how I can reinstall it.  Anyone know if I can email my address book stuff and have kinkos print it?  I still can’t believe I haven’t made it to Ikea yet, or explored more of Eugene or Portland, or picked blueberries in the field. 2010 will not pass by without it.  And no, we will not be having any more human children biologically so that helped with some of the other items.  My surgery is scheduled for January 15th, and due to its extent, Kham will escape the knife. Dagnabit!  There’s some sick, twisted sense of satisfaction knowing if you have to carry it, birth it, feed it, and deal with the physical ramifications later, that the man could get a teeny bit of discomfort and humiliation in their private area if only for a little outpatient snip snip procedure.  6 weeks bedrest potential.  Man, that’s so unfair.

Kelli, the check will be in the mail when the date is officially 2010.  Now onto best myself for 2010.  I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.  I dare you.  And all of you lurkers who read me blog – same dare extends to you!  Maybe we should make a pot?

As I blast through my old drafts, I see that I didn’t follow-up on how Kosette’s and Mommy’s Night of Fun went, when we attended OSU’s production of Pirates of Penzance.  It was great fun for both of us.  She was so excited, ate her dinner speedily and with no whining so we could leave sooner.  She wanted to “dress up fancy” and borrow my pearls.  After having received a brand new fairy doll that day in the mail, she insisted that “Jasmine” come along too.  So off we went to OSU’s Whitycombe Hall theatre, just the two of us, dressed “fancy” (for Corvallis).

As we waited in line to pick up our tix from will-call, lots of people smiled as they spotted her, the only 6 year old in a crowd of grown-ups, “dressed up”, wearing her mommy’s pearls, clutching her fairy doll.  I got approving looks and nods from some of the older crowd as if they were telling me how great they thought it was that I was exposing a new generation to the pleasures of musicals and live theatre.  I was filled with pride; not with myself for the exposure, but because my daughter already had heard the music and WANTED to come; not HAD to come.  Once inside, and our seats found, Kosette grew quiet and she just looked all around, studying things.

I was dying to know what she was thinking but allowed her her moment to just sit, and absorb, and process this new experience.  Finally, I talked to her about what to do if she needed to use the restroom and refreshed her memory on what we had discussed in the car ride over about what was appropriate theatre behavior.  This talking jogged her into formulating questions from her observations from inside the theatre, and they just burst forth in an endless stream like water released from a dam.  It was fascinating and amusing to see what she had noticed, what made an impression on her, such as light placement, orchestra members, stagehands in black, people standing in the aisles and not sitting in their seats, and why she couldn’t talk but the annoying women to my right would not SHUT UP the whole time and spoke at full volume.

I think the funniest thing was that she seemed annoyed at the casting.  Clearly the male character with the Kevin Klin- like, Pirate King pants, and the brown hair should have been The Pirate King.  And Cedric was short and stout, not at all the pretty boy lead as cast in the film version.  The differences between the film and the stage production agitated her.

Despite the late hour, she stayed awake the entire time and made it to a block from home before she passed out in her carseat.  Kham met me at the driveway to help carry the sleeping girl since I was wearing super high heels.  I slipped her shoes off and tucked her into bed, pearls still on, with her hand on top of the covers still clasping the fairy doll.  I felt like I was in the scene in Annie when Daddy Warbucks and Grace return with the sleeping Annie from her first time at the movies and they change her into her nightgown and tuck her into bed, without disturbing her passed out slumber.  It was a sweet nightcap to a sweet night with my sweetie.  Daydream about having a daughter of my own #5: Take my daughter to her very first live production of a musical.  CHECK!!!

(…but not to smell the day after!!!!)  That’s the title of a children’s book I’ve been reading to the kids this season by Naomi Howland. 

It’s a revisionist story of the Grimms Bros. “The Magic Porridge Pot” set in a Russian Stetle.  The main character, Sadie, after being generous to an old woman is given a magic latke making skillet in return for her kindness.  But only SHE can say the magic words to turn it on “Latkes, Latkes Good to Eat. Cook me up a Chanukah Treat!” and off “A Great Miracle Happened Here!”  Trouble ensues when a mischievous little brother tries his hand at the pot.  I highly recommend the book.  Its illustrations and folk story stelling style are reminiscent of, and on par with, the legendary children’s book author Tomie dePaola.  (FYI – You should check out The Legend of the Poinsettia, a story from Mexico.  I hadn’t heard the old folk tale before, but I’ve always wondered why the Poinsettia plant became so associated with Christmas).

I like to read my kids a mix of seasonal books on traditions and different ways of practicing and/or celebrating different holidays and religions.  But I learned some new stuff this season.  I’m sure it’s pretty basic knowledge but for this goya, this book finally made the connection between latke consumption and Chanukah evident (It was the back information page).  So, I’m sure you know about the 8 nights of Chanukah and how they light the lamp (or candle) as a symbol for the miracle that occured in the synagogue with the lamp oil burning on for 8 whole days and nights instead of the projected 1.  Latkes are fried in oil.  To cook with great amounts of oil, i.e. fried, is also symbolic for the miracle.  I feel a little stupid for not ever linking those two things in my head before a children’s book had to point it out to me decades later.  It also reminded me that the four sides of the Dreidle are the first letters of that saying, a “Great Miracle Happened Here”.  Interesting to note, I thought, was that in Israel, their dreidles have a different last letter to stand for “HERE” and anywhere else in the world, like America, the dreidles have the letter that starts the word “There”, as in over there in the Holy Land.

My kids don’t like potatos, in any other way besides french fries.  I know!  Freaks!  Not mashed, not country fries, not scalloped, not in soups, not baked with lots of goodies…  It’s practically unamerican.  But this book got them excited about it.  Me too, for that matter.  Reading this over an over really got me jonesing for some latkes.  So, since I had that gigantic batch of fresh applesauce to use or freeze, potatoes, and sour cream to finish up, I figured the stars were aligned for some latke making.  I read the recipe in the back of the book, hopped online and read a bunch more, and then came up with my own.  It seemed simple enough.  Hot diggity dang!  They were good; especially with a wee bit of kosher salt sprinkled on top.  Little did I know that a lot of people fail at it; even accomplished cooks.   I discovered that afterwards when I read more about latke making.  I do know one thing though, buying quality, organic sour cream is absolutely worth the money.  It is so rich, dense, and creamy and tastes totally different from say, a generic store bought brand.  I would compare it with the difference from carrots fresh from your garden vs. old, stale, dried out, split, carrot stubs in a bag from Safeway – Night and Day people.  Night and day.  Do yourself a favor and splurge on that.

But, oy vey, today, I feel so ill because the house reeks of fried oil.  Bleh!  Really vomitous.  My biggest mistake was not closing off all bedroom doors beforehand.  That’s with doing the dishes right away and taking the oil outside.  I’ve sprayed Febreze through the fan intake, I’ve turned off the heat and opened all the windows for a cross ventilation, I’ve burned 7 sticks of incense but alas, it is still clinging to everything.  Anyone know any tricks?  I actually read on a site that they buy and toss disposable plastic ponchos each time they make them.  I was shocked at how wasteful that was.  My clothes are actually fine.  It’s the house that smells awful.

Mom, thanks for the book.

I got inspired this month and have worked on quite a few craft and sewing projects.

One biggie was to make my own Christmas Tree skirt to disguise the base.  I’ve always been bothered by the very small tree skirts they sell and I see patterns for.  They never seem big enough.  We even have our base screwed onto a large chunk of plywood to make it even more secure, lest our kitties decide to chase eachother up and down the tree as they did last year.  Thanks to those damned cats, I had to ENTIRELY redecorate the tree 3 times last year!!  Sure most skirts they cover the water reservoir (their purpose), but they always look off scale.  I know that presents cover them up but in my house, with that large plywood base and the fact that the presents don’t get under there until later (less chance of premature damage or opening or incessant begging).  In the meantime, I wanted  something nice to look at in the bare spot beneath.  So I was thinking about making a sort of gigantic woman’s size twirl skirt out of scraps of fabric when it occurred to me that I could find a really cool preexisting skirt, even a bridal gown at goodwill, and reuse it by adapting it.  It must’ve been fate because when I was at the cheap antique store, Buckingham Palace, a few days later, I found a 100% ivory and taupe silk skirt with a velvet weighted lined ruffled interior, Edwardian?, antique, perfect condition, hand sewn and what looks like those really early foot pedalled sewing machines, for $8!!!!!!!!!!!  I kid you not!!!!!!!!!  This thing was gorgeous.

I mean, look at the details, the stiff old, thick fabric, the imperfect but crazily perfect considering so handstitching, the delicacy of it…incredible.  (By the way, I don’t really know what time period, I’m just guessing on the early 1900s.

I must have sat there for 30 minutes, scissors in hand, torn between keeping it to wear myself because it fit perfectly, or convert it to a Christmas tree skirt.  It was scary to make that first cut and then I just went for it.  Now it’s an heirloom I can pass on and I LOVE it.  Honestly, I think it’s one of my best projects ever.  It’s slightly larger than the bottom diameter of the tree and I think it looks GRAND.  Don’t you?

And how to cool to have a story behind it.  And the other part that felt like fate (besides the fact that it was the exact color I wanted, it was cheap, and I stumbled upon it a day later) is that I happened to have a roll of decorative velvet and trimmed ribbon for 6 years.  I have used it to twine around stuff inside at Christmas time but never quite found a purpose for it.  I’ve saved it all this time knowing there would be something it would be perfect.  And it coordinates PERFECTLY.

The actual directions are simple.  I cut from waist band straight to the bottom and then trimmed the raw edges with folded over ribbon.  Then I cut two other pieces of ribbon to attach to the opening ends of the waist area to tie it around the tree.  I’ll add the tie top later, when I have more time but Voila!  Now if only my cats won’t pee on it because it’s something new.

So do it!  Make your own skirt from a skirt.  Reuse and Repurpose people!

Music is a critical holiday component for me.  For some it’s the baked goodies, for others it’s the spirits, for some people in the neighborhood, apparently, it’s a who has the biggest penis contest of who can tacky up their lawn and house exterior the most and have the most expensive electricity bill (Grant, you are not included in this category.  Thank God for my black out fabric on my bedroom drapes!).  But for me, it’s all about the music and decorating the Christmas tree, preferably simultaneously.  Growing up, this was one of the few nights that we were not allowed to miss.  No friends over.  Just us pulling out the ornaments, cursing those tippy metal Christmas stands trying to screw it in straight, reminiscing about each ornament as we pull them out of the box and examine them before carefully placing them on the perfectly weighted branch, grumbling over tangled and non-working lights, drinking alpine apple cider packets, and lighting the first fire in the fire place.  I believe I said last year that, The Carpenters Double Disc Christmas album is the quintessential tree trimming soundtrack.  When I put that cd on, look out, Let Christmas Festivities begin!!!  But Bing Crosby has got to be the quintessential voice of Christmas.

I have a rule – No Christmas Music before December!!!  I’m hardcore about it.  I’m sure it’s partly because of the Manheim Steamroller thing in the earlier post.  But 25+ days are just way too long to hear the same songs covered over and over again.  It can make you sick of it by Christmas.  I especially enjoy waiting to get and trim the tree to turn the seasonal tunes on.  It really helps me get into the Holiday Spirit and constructs a climactic moment.  What can I say?  Kosette isn’t the only one in this family with a flair for the dramatic.

I still can’t get over how cheap the trees are here compared to California.  It’s great!  OF course, we are one of the MAIN growers in the entire world.  Chances are, your tree came from here, and I watched it grow as I drove by the fields on my daily school commute.  We’ve been watching them chop them in the past month, seeing them shove it through the twining machine to bundle them tightly for shipping, and the trains have been running more often to take them to their distant celebrations.  This year we were going to try something different, go to a local family-run farm and chop it ourselves so we can have our pick and the freshest available.  Here’s what we’ve discovered.  For our room we need a 7-7.5 foot tree and we prefer blue tones, and a Noble Fir at that.  (Get this – we got ours for $10 a full 7.5 ft. with a bare spot in the bottom back that we put against a wall anyway.  Besides, we’re suckers for the crooked, abandoned, Charlie Brown underdog trees.  It’s like killing a turkey for Thanksgiving and not eating it – a total waste of a life.)  We simply need one that has strong enough branches to support our heavier ornaments.  I feel like my mom when I say that because she said that to us like a mantra as we scoured our church’s Christmas tree lot in search of our perfect tree.

Now, tree decorating pissing contests, that I like.  It unleashes my inner Martha Stewart. And I like to do it in just the right order.  I know, I know.  I’m sick.  But it’s like loading your own dishwasher countless times.  You know your dishes and you know what fits best where and facing which directing.  It’s like the tree.  I know that we need to get it in the stand, water it, shape the stray branches and sculpt the top to accept a star, sweep underneath, attach the tree skirt and then we need to layer it: first the lights (I like clear/white), then the garlands, then the prime ornaments and fragiles, the the fillers, in my case snowflakes and glittered feathers, and lastly, the glittered balls to fill in the odd empty spot or hole.  Then a kid gets to put up the star.  This year, the honor was determined by whomever had the best behavior that day.  Kellen won hands down with Kosette having done some serious naughty seat time that day.

We added a new tradition this year; well, elaborated upon a Christmas tradition we’d developed since we’ve lived here.  Thanks to my Auntie Alice, we had six holiday looking flexible, glittery fairies to add to the tree and general decor.  You may recall that that is how I’ve evaded the control freak part of me that twitches every time I see the clumped 3 foot square mass of ornaments when we let the kids decorate the tree.

Here’s some shots of my own Christmas Tree Faeries hard at work:

Actually, Kham had a harder time with that this year than I did. 

Now, I’m not so Mommy Dearest that I deprive the kids their joy of creating something beautiful and having the power of decision to put things wherever they want.  If anybody understands the pleasure of making the tree extra beautiful, it’s me.

Behold, our 2009 Christmas Tree a la Kosette and Kellen!!:

So I invented the Christmas Tree Fairies to meet both our artistically driven needs.  They come at night when the kids sleep and fly about the tree redecorating it using the the pictures they can read in the kids’ minds of how they wanted to decorate it, if only they could reach that high.  So really, the kids decorated them with their imaginations, the Christmas Tree Fairies just used their magic to help make it happen.  But if the kids come down to try to see the fairies, they’d freeze and turn into dolls, like the old wooden or tin soldiers story.  Well, when Kosette came bounding down the stairs this morning, she surprised those fairies in action.  There’s a few around the top level of the tree and the Fairy King is suspended from the ceiling mid-flight towards the tree top.  I love it.  I think I’ll keep an eye out for a few more in the future.  I could use extra shopping scouts for those though…A-hem.

So, without further ado, here is the tree after a little help from the Christmas Tree Fairies:

…But I wouldn’t mind if we rebelled as a nation and burned all albums created by them like so many did in the 1970s in the Disco Sucks age.

Their “music”, and I use the word VERY loosely here, is absolute sheer, f*ing torture to listen to.  Of course, this is just one woman’s opinion, but still.  I must start a movement – Steamroll the Steamroller!  They wouldn’t need water boarding for torture, just lock them into a room and pipe in Mannheim Steamroller in a loop for hours on end.  They’d break me in the first two songs.  I’d sing like a canary and weep for my mommy and offer my body up for abuse…anything to stop the insanity!!!

I’m not kidding.  That’s how vehemently I hate this band’s music.  I get an instant headache when I hear their songs, especially the one below.  And for some reason, their songs evoke the overwhelming smell of old lady perfume like Georgio and Red Door and White Shoulders from me.  I don’t know why.  Maybe it has something to do with……..

Now imagine sitting in the back of a mini van where your Dad has Mannheim Steamroller, his favorite Christmas band/albumS of all time that he wants to start listening to starting from our return trip from Solvang to LA on Thanksgiving night!, cranked because he wants to listen to it loudly but my mom wants to talk to him in the front so he blasts us out with the back speakers.  We would be dressed to the nines’ most likely on our way to our annual Christmas Eve event at the Blowitzes prior to the late midnight service at our church.  This meant we were wearing stiff, uncomfortable, fancy clothes with cashmere sweaters and panty hose, packed next to our siblings with intermingling and competing perfumes, colognes, lotions, and hair products, with the air conditioning on because it’s still warm in LA then.  At least warm for that wardrobe that early in the evening.  It’s hot, stuffy, uncomfortable, and lots of cloying smells, with the most obnoxious music ever made on the face of the earth played for the 25th day in a month at a very loud volume…Maybe that has something to do with my aversion to their “music”.  You think?

For those who are lucky enough to be blissfully unaware of their prolific presence in our nation’s Christmas music repertoire, Mannheim Steamroller was most popular in 1984, and their “sound” which is heavy on the electric keyboard and brass section, sounds like the character, Andy, from The Office, doing a Christmas song in his obnoxious sound effect style for every single instrument layered together.  You know, I don’t think I could use the word obnoxious too often in my description of them.  It’s just too befitting with noxious being defined as “ injurious to physical or mental health “.  Well, they sure are to mine.

But these synonyms work well too.  Oh yeah, there are some real good ones here:

“Deck the Halls”

All I’m saying here people is, if you invite me to your Christmas party, I’d rather hear the Wings “Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time” or even the meowing cats doing “Jingle Bells” than this f*ing song, any of their songs.  Or I’m gonna go apeshit like someone brainwashed to commit evil acts of violence triggered by certain songs.

Says Kham on the topic, “Worst thing to happen to keyboard ever.  Keyboard abuse.”

Now, I must clear my head for something completely different to get that song out.  The pathetic thing is I had to actually search through the youtube clips and listen to them to find the one that I find most obnoxious.  There’s that word again.  And there’s my headache again.

Ahhhhh.  Much Better.